When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
