I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize