Who did Billy Mays play for?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
