I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I will die if light touches me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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