a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
