Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
