ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
