He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
