how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My pussy is not your playground.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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