his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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