Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.