How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
