Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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