OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
