I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
