So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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