Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
