my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
