he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
