Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
