Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
