when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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