So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
