He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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