so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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