I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
