we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
