omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
