I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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