Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize