Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
