I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
