wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
