This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
