he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
