Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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