WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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