Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
