***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize