This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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