i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
