im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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