id be glad to
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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