I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
how drunk are you?
Several
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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