Who did Billy Mays play for?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
