my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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