how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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