I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
