I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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