next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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