You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
