i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
