I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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