Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
