and you said cock pushups were impossible
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
