I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
