I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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