We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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