Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
