I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
