yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize