I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
