true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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