R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize