if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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