oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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