I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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