3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
